I wrote this unsolicited script for Mediocre Films but since they don't accept outside ideas I have posted it for all to see.

September 29, 2008
Retarded Policeman “The GARMAN” MediocreFilms
By: JimmerSD

Cast
The Retarded Policeman = Ponceman
Driver = xgogobeanx or Spricket24 or another prominent player
Garman = Garman like voice

[Beginning Title]
[Interior: Automobile driver is a young woman quite probably a recognizable YouTuber. She is yakking on a cell phone]

[Tight shot of Garman]

Garman: Turn left 3 tenths of a mile

Woman: And then he said that “you don’t really know” then I said ”nuh-uh” and he said…..

Garman: Please slow down. The posted speed limit is 30miles per hour

[The Woman oblivious, not paying any attention to the device]

Woman: and so he gave me this… [improv]

[A police siren interrupts her conversation]

Woman: Oh no! I’ll have to call you back. I’m getting pulled over. Damn [hangs up]

Garman: I warned you!

[The Woman sticks out her tongue at the device and pulls over]

[The Retarded Policeman walks up]

RP: Do you know why I pulled you over?

Woman: Because I was talking on the phone?

[playfully] RP: No.

Woman: Because I didn’t signal?

RP: No, but I’ll add that to the ticket.

Garman: Because she was speeding.

RP: Bingo! You win a cookie!

Garman: I don’t eat cookies

[Holding up a bag of cookies] RP: But they’re good cookies!

[The Woman looks stunned]

RP: Then you win a date with me Sexy-voice!

[RP responds to the Woman as though she is the one doing the talking. The Woman stares at the Garman as though it is the first time that she has seen it.]

Garman: I wouldn’t date you if you were Matt Damon

RP: Why not? Isn’t everyone f**king Matt Damon!

Garman: Aren’t you going to write me a ticket? I deserve a ticket!

[The Woman slapped back to reality] Woman: Hey!

RP: Well! If you really want one!

[The Woman doing her best to flirt despite the circumstances]

Woman: No! No wait. Isn’t there some way we could work this out?

[Confused] RP: But you said..

[Bargaining] Woman: No! I’m sure that we could work something out! How about…

Garman: …you give me that ticket and make it a big one cutie!

[The Garman does its best to add a little wink and wiggle.]

RP: Well, you don’t have to be so eager. Even SxePhil wanted to screw me rather than get a ticket.

[Exasperated near tears] Woman: No! I don’t want a ticket!

RP: Make up your mind! [Waiving his ticket pad]

[Chanting] Garman: Give it to her…er me! Give it to me!

RP: Well??

Woman: But I didn’t say that! It was my Garman!

RP: Oh! Really? I get it! You pulled me over just to make fun of me!

[There is a 3 way pause as the Woman, RP and the Garman all stare at one another]

Woman: You pulled me over! [Thinking better of her statement afterwards]

RP: And you think I’m stupid too! Why I oughta. [Balling up a fist]

Woman: No, No, I’m sorry to trouble you officer. [with a weak smile]

Garman: But???

[To the Garman] Woman: shhhhh! Or I’ll unplug you!

RP: Go ahead and get out of here. Stop by for some more cookies anytime!

RP: BYE!! [Waving as The Woman, knowing what is good for her, starts the car and drives off]

Garman: Turn right 1 tenth of a …..

Woman: Shut up you bitch.

[End Title]

The character “The Retarded Policeman” is the property of MediocreFilms Inc.