One aspect of doing retail business in the United States is that you have a business phone number and consequently a yellow color page advertisement. Most metro areas have multiple telephone companies, each of which circulates its own version of the yellow pages. So as the business owner, it is my responsibility to once a year deal with the advertising sales representatives from these companies. They usually approach me.

So begins my story.

In 2007 I noticed a drop in my telephone traffic. It seemed to coincide with the release of the yellow color pages directory circulated by a certain "American" telephone company. I had been in the directory previously as a single unadorned line listing and I was not obligated to pay for inclusion. This had been customary in the past. Neither was I obliged to contact them to confirm the listing. Seeing that I had been excluded that year I contacted this company to confirm that I would indeed be in the next year release.

The 'Sales' rep for the company informed me that they were no longer allowing free line listings and that there would be a modest charge to be in the book. Since I had noted a decline in business that I could only attribute to the exclusion I somewhat grudgingly consented to the charge.

That was that for that year...

2008's revenues seemed to pick up a bit as though to confirm that the ad had helped and in July a representative called again to confirm my ongoing ad and as is the practice in that industry to attempt to up-sell me. The rep, a completely different person than I had dealt with the previous year ticked off the charges that I would have to pay. She noted that I would still get the 'free' line listing in the main directory. But for me to continue to be included in the mini directory the charge would increase by $75.00.

"Free Listing"? I asked "Mini directory"?

"Yes, you get it for free" and it had always been such, she insisted..

I told her my story. I asserted that I had been lied to and had never asked to be in the Mini Directory. She was incredulous and insisted that she knew nothing about what I had been told. Her job was to help me with the situation at hand. I told her that I didn't believe in rewarding bad behavior, so I was cancelling all but the single 'free' line listing.

"Good day"! I hung up.

Over the next month I received multiple calls from this troll, all trying to get me to change my mind. She kept reassuring me that she was working hard, trying to save me money. I couldn't believe the huge increase in the rate until it came to light that she was trying to sell me the same listing that I had had in a competing directory. Not what I had before and this was why the price was so much higher.

More deception!

Eventually the next stage hit. The T.O. as it is called in the sales business. Another troll called, I believe that he had somewhat more pull than the first troll because he started to sweeten the deal, at first dropping the price back to what I had been paying originally and then cutting that price even more. Not wanting to cut off my nose to spite my face I agreed to continue the listing for another year.

With the advent of search engines and a more tech savvy population, most people head to Google or Yahoo before they haul out a 16 pound bowling ball to search for a service. Knowing this, I began curtailing the costs of telephone advertising this year. I can write my own web pages and massage search engines to return answers I want them to, so I have little need for assistance in that matter.

I have become somewhat accustomed to the yearly call from my telephone advertising troll so when the renewal date came and went, without a call, I barely noticed... until yesterday.

This time the call was to help me with my internet advertising, oh and by the way the yellow color pages. I told her I had no use for her services and that I wanted to cancel all of the paid ads that I still held with them.

"But that has already been renewed"!

NO! ECTO GAMMUT!

"You didn't ask me first"

"Yes we did! We sent you a letter"!

"Nah ah" Struggling to move around the rage block that had inserted itself between me and any cognitive functions. I searched through my memories for any indication that they had indeed done this. Failing to find anything that would confirm (or deny) what she said.

"Liar!" I exclaimed "Every time I have ever spoken with anyone from your company I have been lied to. I demand that the ad be canceled"

"Sir! It's too late for that! But if you would like I can transfer you to customer care"

Ahhh, the kiss of death..I relented.

The conversation with the customer care rep lead me to believe that I had been handed over to yet another sales troll, playing the part of a service rep. A troll in reps clothing. So after issuing some firm expletives about his heritage and the size of his uvula I ended the call.

I scrounged around for the real number for customer care. I explained my experience and asserted my desire to cancel the listing. The customer care person told me that if I faxed a note before September 17 that it would be no problem to shut off the blasted service.

Confirmation that I had again been lied to.

If you have a business ad be advised that telephone companies have instituted an auto renewal policy.

These scum are worse than any high pressure sales people whom I have ever dealt with....including Car Salesmen. Every word that they uttered to me was a flat lie. They deserve what they get.

Jeeze...I hope they got my fax...