Dear Bank,

You have lost my business. You are obviously troubled.

When I call your customer service telephone number I am forced to enter a bunch of numbers and answer a number of questions before your computer will let me talk to a real person. If I refuse to punch the numbers in or am unable to answer the number of questions your computer stonewalls me. It gives me no alternatives, a virtual blockade. It just repeats the questions. Until I hang up in disgust.

I do not do business that way because I prefer to hear a real human voice on the other end of the phone. And besides, if I do relent and punch the numbers in, the human will always ask me for the numbers anyway.... again...and again.

So what is the point? Having to repeat myself is a very frustrating thing.  I do not want to jump through your hoops to talk to a real human being. But your computer obviously wants to control the course of communication and computers can be frustrating things.

I have not called to seek my balances or what payments have been credited or debited while you shuffle your feet and stall for time. I do not want to know what "great deals" you have on interest bearing products. Or that I am 100 percent protected under the FDIC up to Two Hundred and Fifty Thousand Dollars.... something I am well aware of.

I want to talk to a real breathing human being with blood pumping through their veins.

Your music is quite nice and very relaxing. But when it starts over again it just reminds me that I have been waiting just that much longer.

Yes, I do know that I can access my account on the internet, thank you. Yes I do understand this, thanks so much. No, you don't have to continue to tell me this as I am quite attentive and able to understand what I hear. Thanks.

Do you think I would be calling if I could get what I needed on the internet?

Oh and when I try to use you customer service chat feature on the internet no one is there. It told me to call here.

You are obviously troubled.

When I do travel to the bank everyone there has the shell shocked look of a returning vet. They flinch when the phone rings or they have the forced smile of a prisoner pleading for release. You are obviously troubled.

These tactics are indicative of a person who is afraid to answer the phone because it might be someone they owe.

"ahh....Hello"?
"Hi! Is Bank there"?
"Umm.... ahhhem...who's calling "?

Before I go, I just want to say that the reason that I called wasn't because you owed me money or did anything wrong or screwed up in any way, until now. It was because I wanted to do business with you.

But I guess it was just too much trouble.

Sincerely
JimmerSD